Can't Beat Kansas

Pretty damn clever sign.  Guess it didn't work.  TFB.

No, it's always about Larrytown, isn't it?  My heart is so broken.  FUKU


It's always something.....

Then...a shot rang out...

...from the vacant lot across the street.  Mrs. Applebottom's cat didn't know what hit him.  Reggie the sniper fox put a slug through his scope at 100 yards.  Suddenly, Shooter was part of the wallpaper flock design on the dining room wall across from the window.

"That little sniper bastard Reggie had been picking off the rabbits from the woods across the street.  Guess Shooter pissed him off with his near misses."  Mrs. Applebottom said, carrying what was able to be scooped up of her cat to the dumpster.

Wally would be proud...

Gotta love Mr. LaPierre's Neighborhood.


It's always something...

Mrs. Applebottom's cat

Mrs. Applebottom's cat "shooter" sits in her upstairs window when the sun is out and takes pot shots at neighborhood dogs.

"She's just a kitten but that darn kitten is a dead-eye shot, I tell ya..."  Mrs. Applebottom said.  "I just give her enough food and little cat ammunition for the day and she just sits in that window and picks 'em off."

Most of the animals in Mr. LaPierre's neighborhood are well armed and quite dangerous.  They read a little and know almost as much as humans do....rather like the teaparty folks.

"I love that Ted Cruz!"  Little shooter was thought to have purred.

It's always something....

Even the squirrels are packing heat here

I went by a local park here in Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood.  Passed this little guy by one of the park benches.  Even the squirrels are packing in this town.  I have to say, he looks a little like Mitch McConnell.

Saw a poster on the side of a building just across the street from  Mrs Applebottom’s restaurant…

It’s always something…..

Dammit! I completely forgot about this!

Crap!  I got this email and totally forgot to send it on....

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It's always something

Jordy

On my way down to Ruth Applebottom’s restaurant (apparently, Ruth is the sister-in-law of Mrs. Applebottom, the school teacher) I encountered an unpleasant young man.

His name was Jordy and he was in the process of looting a game store that had been vandalized the night before at the swim team riots.  After I calmed him down, convincing him I was not there to get in his way he did tell me his name.  I asked him why he wasn’t in school. “Here in Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood education is scoffed at and discouraged.  The only things we need to know’s what Mr. LP and the NRA tells us.”  Jordy said.

How true, I thought.  The dumbing down of America is well underway.  I thought about Salina, Kansas and could see a ray of truth here. 

It’s always something…

Encounter in the Lobby

I headed up from the pool to the lobby to ask when check out time was and hopefully get some tips on a place for dinner.

At the same time I entered the motel lobby from the pool area, a young couple was leaving through the street front doors, shouting something back behind them as they slammed the door.  Ethel (according to her nametag) was still displaying her digit, putting the capstone on whatever argument they all just had.  I later learned that Ethel was the head housekeeper and Tonya, at the end of the counter, was her assistant.  Tonya was also an expert marksman (oops, marksperson) and was to be avoided.

They all three looked at me.  “Yes?”  Frederic said.

“I was wondering if you might suggest a good place here in town for dinner.”

“Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to eat at the same place as them two – goddam hippies ‘s what they was if you ask me…”  Ethel said.

“There’s a diner just down the street, past where they had the swim meet protest last night.”  Frederic said.  “And, they don’t make you check your firearms at the door.”

“That’s a good sign.”  I said, not wanting them to think I didn’t have a firearm.  “Ok, thanks.  When’s checkout?”

“You’re not plannin’ any trouble are ya?”  Ethel said, scowling.  “We deal with troublemakers.”

“No, ma’am.”

“11 am.  Just make sure to take all your weapons and ammunition when you clear the room.”  Frederic said, working on some paperwork, not looking up.

“O   k….well, later then…”

It’s always something…

Swim Meet goes badly

So I freshened up at the Let ‘em lie, Let ‘em die Motel (or was it the other way around?)  and headed down to the lobby.  Outside I noticed a sign on the front lawn of the motel.  I still wasn’t sure where Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood was, but it was apparent North Korea knew – and was here.

There was a loud din coming from the pool area so I ducked in to see how the swim meet was going.

Good lord.

It’s always something….

A place to tidy up....

....and, if you're in Mr. LaPierre's Neighborhood, you can not only tidy up, but you can adequately arm yourself, compliments of the motel.  (Ammunition for the springfield was in by Gideon's Bible)

I found it comforting that they had a portrait of Jesus with a semi-automatic (Jesus would never carry a fully automatic weapon - not very Christian) and a caption "Blessed are the meek".  This apparently goes hand and hand with not having a fully automatic weapon and thereby sort of being meek I guess.

I washed my hands with 20 Mule Team Boraxo (great for getting gun oil off your hands) and headed down to the lobby.


It's always something...

Mr. LaPierre's CD for kids

I took the Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood welcome packet over to the dresser in the motel room.  I wasn’t sure what to do with the 6 rounds for the AR-15.  Sure wanted to keep them away from the radiator by the window, along with the plastic CD case.

I opened the CD for kids.  Yikes!

It’s always something…..