Teachin' 'n Shootin'

Mrs. Applebottom opened her “Teachin’ ‘n Shootin’” state tour today with an impressive display of firepower, albeit non-intended.

Wayne LaPierre, the master and commander of the NRA was on hand as well.

Smiling graciously at the crowd of terror-stricken onlookers, he said, “Well, she’s got some more training to go through.  We’ll all be pretty safe after that.  If a few folks happen to get killed in the meantime it’s just the price we pay to keep everyone armed as God intended.”

Mr. LaPierre did appear to have a holy countenance about him as he praised the gun manufacturers and dealers whom he serves.

Apparently Mrs. Applebottom’s automatic weapon discharged unexpectedly as she was demonstrating it in front of the school.  25 rounds of the 30 round clips discharged into Mrs. Ethel Smith’s Camry parked in front of the school.  Mrs. Smith was able to duck as the rounds pummeled her car, rocking it sideways.

“That was frickin’ awesome!”  Mr. LaPierre said with a sardonic grin.

Mrs. Applebottom

It’s always something…

A Force to be Reckoned with

Mrs. Applebottom, the brave school teacher who opened fire on a would-be invader (actually a construction worker with a caulk gun) has been awarded “Teacher of the Month”. 

Commenting at the awards ceremony, Mrs. Applebottom said, “Hell yes, I unloaded my 30 round clip at that sonofabitch.  I sure thought he was one of those mentals and was gonna kill all us.  I’d do it again in a minute.”  She was given an Official NRA Kevlar jacket and a more powerful fully automatic weapon and several 50-caliber bandoliers.   (The fully automatic weapons Bill as an extension of the Second Amendment rights is soon to be on the floor of the House for approval),

“I wouldn’t cross this woman.”  Said Principal Hardly.  “She is the epitome of what a healthy second amendment right means to us here.  Ya know, we all have to deal with a few cases of collateral damage so’s we can enjoy our rights.  I guess if we have to keep killing each other in order to keep these rights, then let the carnage begin.”

“Here, here!”  The assembly shouted as they disembarked to their barricaded homes.

It’s always something……

Oklagunna

Apparently, guns aren't killing anyone

You hear quite a few strong arguments about not having “Gun Control” these days.    And, boy, I have to say the logic that is used in most discussions is of the most persuasive sort.  I mean, who could argue with “…guns don’t kill people, people kill people…”

A guy I went to school with back in Kansas even said he put his Bushmaster, fully loaded, out on his front porch and IT DIDN’T KILL ANYONE, it just sat there.  I (slapping my forehead) said, “my god, he’s right!”  In fact, I’ve come to learn that most folks in the Midwest are geniuses of this sort.  It’s quite frankly a resource overlooked.

So I’m thinking, the government could save one helluva lot of money by just letting the soldiers go out and just kill people themselves, since the guns don’t seem to have anything to do with it. 

Please, please, keep those posters festooned with flags and eagles and all that “I’m holier than YOU!” shit – keep those posters coming on FarceBook.  I do love it so. 

It’s always something…

Where irony and creativity meet...

"only sharp thing in the glove box"

If you've seen this then you know from whom I so shamelessly have stolen it.  But I had to share it with those of you who read this demented blog and thus may appreciate.  

Seattle has had a cold snap.  Not bad mind you, really more annoying than anything else.  With the below freezing mornings comes the ice.  And for those of us not having garrets for our cars, carraige houses, or servants to assist us in the morning as in Downton Abbey, we scrape the ice from the window ourselves.

Not belonging to the NRA and therefore not having a 30 round metal ammo clip handy or an ice scraper, my friend used the end of her tanning lotion tube.  Creative - and ironic.  

I should have asked her permission to use this, but I did write back with some remembered 'Hints from Heloise - Seattle edition'  -  Tanning lotion is also good at removing mold.  

This is a must for Seattle-ites.  A tube of tanning lotion can last up to 15 years, which outlasts any need for it here.  (well, I suppose unless you want to rid your arms of slime and mold in the summer)

It's always something...

A newly trained teacher, Mrs. Applebottom, let her new assault weapon rip yesterday as she unloaded a 30 round clip at a construction worker wielding a caulk gun at the new school building expansion.

"Well, land sakes..."  Mrs. Applebottom exclaimed, "He sure looked like one of those mental people to me!"

"Mrs. Applebottom certainly retained her training and enthusiasm from that nice NRA fellow who trained all of us last week."  The Principal commented.  "He told us the N, R and A were afraid of Obamy takin' away all our damn guns.  Boy, sure hope he wasn't right.  We all got our rights, ya know, and a little collateral damage...well that's just part of it I guess...."  he said.

The construction crew is being outfitted with Kevlar vests and steel helmets as a precaution.

It's always something...