Sifting through the potsherds

It is somewhat cleansing going through the process of throwing away your files. Our attorney suggests saving any files within 10 years. So, we have been fastidious about that. But I'm thinking, what is the point, really? The whole reason that drives a lawsuit is to win it, NOT to determine the truth. there is no room for truth in our justice system. In fact, it really isn't a 'justice' system, but a 'legal' system. Truth is the LAST thing you want if you're trying to win a lawsuit.
So I'm thinking, why not just throw everything out? I probably will.
I've run across several projects that for some reason all the design sketches were kept. I go through them like an old man looks at early photos of his now grown or deceased children. Why am I so emotionally attached to this shit? I guess that's why I never was a good businessman. I had a heart. Business requires lack thereof. It's why I failed. I tried to help others rather than help myself. And to think I started life as a conservative from the Midwest. Bloodless heartlessness wins every time - Oh, the shame.
Goodnight Pen.

Watching your friend die

I decided to lighten things up from the foibles of house demolition and remodel. My friend is almost dead. Her name is "my career". She has been a friend for all these years, troubled at times, unfaithful at times but an old friend nonetheless. I hooked up with her in Junior high school. She wanted me to come with her on a journey. A quest of trying to find something within myself that remains elusive. Architecture is a cruel maiden. She will not be tamed or held as yours for long. She is fickle and will betray you while yet savoring a kiss. But she is finally leaving me. And I am sad. I was not a worthy suitor and so she goes on. I search to find another love. Goodnight, Pen.

What will go wrong next?

I haven't been keeping this up. I care about this house. I care about it a lot. But it has beat me to shit. The building department has beat me to shit. I suppose there will be some fun in this sometime but right now i just can't see it. I remain manic depressive. I remain unemployed. I spend my days trying to find something for employees to do, figuring out how and when we will finally close the doors, and working on the house. I have never ever felt so low and without hope.
Good night

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