Newt-Cicle

A fellow blogger ‘The Voice of Reason’ posted this on Facebook today.  He took the photo and was asking around if anyone knew what it was.  I guess it was kinda like ‘Encounters of the N’th Degree’ or something like that movie.  Well, I looked closer and did a spectrum analysis on it and found the likeness of Newt frozen inside. 

This “Newt-cicle” must have come from another dimension, nearest thing I can figure.  I know we’ve been seeing this guy a lot lately.  Maybe this is a future thing sent back to the past, or, like, now.  Like in Back to the Future.

So what the hell happened in the future to cause this Newt-cicle to land in a residential cul-de-sac here in the northwest?   I just have no idea.  His expression looks like he’s surprised, turning and saying, “Hey, don’t freeze me into a big popsicle dick and put me into space!” 

Maybe he was elected president.  Wow. 

I know that tricky Dick got kicked out of the White House and sent home on a helicopter.  Clinton too, well, almost.  And God knows what’s going to happen to Obama.  But just imagine – the first president to get sent into space as a big frozen phallus.  Wow.  I can hardly wait for the future!

It’s always something…

Nation's designers unveil a "peek into the Grey"

Designers in New York showcased today a "peek into the grey" for 2012, based on Benjamin Poore's new colors.  Shown in the previous article, the new colors have arrived in the nick of time to give designers a pallette of non-color destined to dampen even the most obnoxiously cheery spirit for 2012.

"With the new presidency of Mitt Romney and the Republican takeover of Congress this year," explains Mr. Poore, "We will see the disappearing middle class in need more than ever of depressing colors to help them ease into darkness."  

It is thought that with ever increasing numbers of Americans stepping up into that coveted 1% that there will be more employment and indenture opportunities for the middle class as they enter into the robust and competitive servant class.  "People will be working more than one job and won't have time for grousing." says Mr. Poore.  "Moreover, they will be able to see the lives of the 1% more closely as the indentured class takes its role in society, most certainly providing the inspiration one needs to succeed in serving."

Mr. Poore declined to muse on the destiny of the Democratic Party, "...but with the ever increasing power of the 'SuperPac', it seems certain we're headed for a one-party system."  He added.

Nation's designers welcome in the new 'economy-inspired' paint colors for 2012

Benjamin Poore Introduces 8 New Hues

For the New Economy

Already offering you designers more than 3,000 shades, Benjamin Poore says its new 8-strong Color-less Stories collection not only reflects your clients' zero options for a bright future but also introduces a whole new concept in paint science by doubling the number of failures in each formula to create a full spectrum of color-less hues. 

Benjamin Poore says it's re-created the can with its new Color-less Stories paint line. The collection's nine palettes contain 240 hues of what the company calls an incredible array of dull-spectrum non-colors, which are achieved by omitting five to seven pigments rather than the usual three and celebrating the more depressing black and gray tints as filler. The company claims the paint is richer and the darks have more depth, emulating our less than vibrant economy and the deep despair our government is providing us, especially with elections coming up in 2012. 

The pigments being blended to create these nuanced hues have no volatile organic compounds (VOCs). Because the company makes its own colorants it can ensure that when pigments are mixed into low-VOC paint the total VOCs remain under 50 grams per liter. This has less meaning considering a quicker death nowadays by starvation instead of breathing in fumes but is progress nonetheless.

The overtones generated from careful blending of no pigments will be readily apparent to builders, architects, designers, and homeowners who have all but lost everything they ever owned.  Natural versus artificial lighting will affect dynamic changes in the paint's otherwise drab characteristics throughout the day. "With Color-less Stories there's a complete lack of complexity and compromise to the color experience that is amazing," states Jay Romez, Benjamin Poore's director of color marketing, in a release about the new line. “This new color line accurately represents what our Congress and House of Representatives is truly providing the country now – a total lack of leadership and a total failure to act fostering a complete lack of trust and hope for any kind of even dismal future for this country”  he goes on to say, “the colors are right on target”.   

 The palettes assembled to debut this new paint mixology include an array of un-inspired shades of grey with individual colors ranging from a muted gray called sea salt to the vivid grey of the certain approaching Great Depression II . Each palette evokes a different place or mood to give the collection a personal feel—earthen blackish hues, elemental light greys, fiery blacks, fluid black-greys, black dead fields, naturally neutral, shades of gray and 'forclosure pewter' an uninspiring hue of a sickly national grey.

"And after all..." says Jay,"....the country WAS only black and white during the depression."

It's always something...

Big Ben Leans - but which direction?

Big Ben is leaning.  I’ve heard about this too and decided to look into some British history to see exactly which way it might actually be leaning.

With some help from Wikipedia, I fount that prior to the mid-19th century politics in the United Kingdom was dominated by the Whigs and the Tories. These were not political parties in the modern sense but somewhat loose alliances of interests and individuals. 

The Whigs included many of the leading aristocratic dynasties committed to the Protestant succession, and later drew support from elements of the emerging industrial interests and wealthy merchants, while the Tories were associated with the landed gentry, the Church of England and the Church of Scotland.

By the mid 19th century the Tories had evolved into the Conservative Party, and the Whigs had evolved into the Liberal Party. In the late 19th century the Liberal Party began to pursue more left wing policies, and many of the heirs of the Whig tradition became Liberal Unionists and moved closer to the Conservatives on many of the key issues of the time.

The Liberal and Conservatives dominated the political scene until the 1920s, when the Liberal Party declined in popularity and suffered a long stream of resignations. It was replaced as the main left-wing party by the newly emerging Labour Party, who represented an alliance between the trades unions and various socialist societies.

So it seems that it’s really leaning in the direction of your point of view.

From the bridge the Conservatives claim Big Ben is leaning to the Right.  From the other side, the Labour Party claims Big Ben is certainly leaning to the Left.

It’s not leaning much yet.  Experts say 1.64 feet (9 mm per year)  this is 1/16th the lean of the Tower in Pisa. They conclude:

"Our resident expert believes it will be between 4,000 and 10,000 years before it becomes a problem. They don't know what's behind the acceleration, however, and say that there's "No real proof what has caused it"."

An American entrepreneur has suggested moving Big Ben to Washington DC to solve the problem of which way it’s leaning and, hopefully someday to fix it.  

This was not approved, however, since experts estimated that the Administration, Congress and The House would not be able to agree on this for at least 15,000 years.  Big Ben would then share the Mall Reflecting Pool with the Washington Monument in its horizontal resting place.


It's always something...

Unstable Eddie

Dinner at O’Hare only takes up so much of a 3 hour lay over.  Especially when there is no one to share it with.  So I dragged my carry-on around and around.  I finally tired of the endless trek up and down and retired briefly to gate 28, flight 871 to Seattle.  A four hour flight to be sure, but I just had to sit for awhile.

Across from me sat a middle aged woman and a man-boy kind of person - not sure if he was her son, or grand son or what.  She was having an animated cell phone conversation and he was immersed in some sort of video game.  He was doing something on a screen which I couldn’t see, raucously poking it and shaking it, making odd faces of pain and occasional joy.  He became really agitated now and then and his mom (?) would just tap his arm to stop his stomping feet.  I noticed one of those medical alert dog tags around his neck.  I blew out some air and glanced sideways at an imaginary camera filming this (kind of like on ‘The Office’).

I sat there for a moment or two more and noticed the woman had one of those ticket pouches some folks carry around their necks who take cruises and such.  Their boarding passes were neatly tucked inside.  The clear plastic allowed the seat number to be seen.  8F was on the top ticket.  Uh huh.  What was MY seat number I wondered.  Yeah, I checked.  Mine was 8D.  which is an aisle seat.  8F is a window seat, which meant, yes, the hidden ticket - HIS ticket, had to be 8E.  which was NEXT TO ME.  Holy God!  No.  PLEASE, no.  I was sitting next to Unstable Eddie.

I had another hour to brood about this and wondered if I should go have another martini.    I elected against that, having just had two plus a large glass of wine.  Maybe I could maintain my altitude.

They announced that our airplane had a mechanical malfunction and that it would take too long to repair (like maybe re attaching the left wing or something) so we all did the Bataan death march with our belongings down to gate 23.  Mom (?) was extremely annoyed at this but Unstable Eddie found it somehow entertaining.  Added to the melee was a gaggle of what looked to be an African refugee family, or perhaps a small village in Somalia, queuing up behind their sponsor who was confused about ticketing and paperwork.  I swear to God the little kids looked like they had just got off the photo take at CNN, wearing dusty ragged clothes and such.  This was just weird.  They all got on the plane and I never saw them again.  

We boarded.  I had to, of course, get up for mom (?) and Unstable Eddie as they put all their crap in the overhead and clambered into their seats.  Eddie crash landed into his seat and began arguing with mom (?).  He got out the video game along with a packet of tablets, a syringe case and some sort of blood tester thing from his Darth Vader Space bag.  His mom (?) opened a book.  Eddie spilled some pills into  his hand and quaffed them down with a gulp from the 32 ounce Diet Coke he had brought on board.  Then he tested his blood.  Then he opened the syringe kit, took one out and stabbed his stomach with it.  His mom (?) turned the page.

I gave a long sideways glance into the camera that was surely filming this.

As soon as we were airborne Eddie got up, made an uncomfortable scene struggling past the beverage cart and went to assumedly drain 20 ounces of fluid in the first class toilet.  (we weren’t in first class).   Fifteen minutes later I had to get up and let him repeat the process.  His mom (?) flipped another page.  Eddie returned, finished the 32 ounce Diet Coke and ordered two more from the Attendant.  Then he passed out.  His mom (?) flipped another page.

I looked at my watch.  Two more hours to Seattle.  And Eddie would awaken soon.

It’s always something.

Good to Go

Watched a report on the status of “Good To Go” on TV by Robert Mak a few days ago.  I’ve got my little G-T-G thing on my windshield, as demanded by WSDOT.  Looks like this thing won’t start now until late July, right about when Seattle gets its two weeks of blistering, sultry hot 78 degree summer.  Well, I’m ready, by god. 

Yep, a toll for all seasons it’s touted to be.  There’s a different charge for different times on different days – and – if your car happens to be blown off the bridge midway, you won’t be charged for the trip!  How cool is that?

Mak interviewed a State Legislator who was making some noise about maybe this toll isn’t enough.  Maybe they should toll BOTH frickin’ bridges.  Yep, you just wait.  It’ll happen.  In fact, hell, maybe they ought to just toll the beegeezus out of every route to anywhere.  We HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. 

I’ve done a little map to help the lawmakers who can read get a jump on this idea and trump it up down in Olympia. 

Note also that we go “out” to Issaquah…”over” to Redmond…and “up” to Monroe.  Kind of a Seattle thing I guess. 

So, we’ll pay a toll everywhere we go.  The next step is for the State to tattoo a barcode onto our foreheads and we can pay tolls for, say, sidewalks, public buildings and stairways, the waterfront…..just imagine the possibilities for sorely needed State Revenue. 

A barcode that has stopped moving on the street could signal a death possibly by a mugging or being hit by a car, maybe passed out from inebriation, any number of things.  This way, aid can be directed to the toll payer in hopes of saving them so they can continue to provide revenue.  Nothing wasted.

It’s always something………

It's almost here!!

It’s coming next week!  June 21^st!  The first day of summer for us folks north of the hemisphere.  The Earth sort of tilts this way and that.  And when it’s on the backward (or is it forward?) tilt that means the northern hemisphere does a leaner towards the sun.  

The sun, as we remember from 8^th grade science class is 5,778 degrees Kelvin, 5,5505 degrees Celsius, or just more commonly known as 18 bazillion firkin degrees.  This is really, REALLY hot, fusing something like 620 million METRIC TONS of hydrogen each second.  Almost an equivalent of the amount of oxygen Sarah Palin’s ignorance sucks out of a room.

We don’t burn up, of course, because the sun is damn near 150 million kilometers away.  What we DO, is set out the barbee, put on our shorts and sandals, our SPF 45 and hit the beach.  That is, everyone but Seattleites.  (I still think of little beeping, orbiting people when I see the word ‘Seattleite’). 

No, Seattle is different.  This year we had measureable rain on 87 of 131 days through May 11.  That’s like, 66%.  Now, counting the days when we had a TRACE of rain the statistic jumps to 104 of 131 days with rain (wet is wet whether or not Mr. Peabody measures it at the airport).  F’ing ridiculous. 

Anyone watching the weather channel can see the problem here.  What apparently happens is that THE ENTIRE PACIFIC OCEAN evaporates each year, travels up, swirls over Washington and condenses, falls and runs back to fill the ocean back up.  WHO the HELL would want to LIVE in a place like this?  Just ask the little beeping, orbiting people. 

I wouldn’t want to live in Alaska though.  No oxygen.

It’s always something.