Flotsam and Jetsam

Internets, I went down to my basement today to sit. Just sit. Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits. Well yeah, we've all seen that poster. Friend of mine came over today and visited our office. It hasn't appreciably changed in the five or so years since she worked here. Got me to thinking as I was showing her all the stuff that was still there, piled up like so much flotsam against rocks in a stream, that I too was becoming flotsam. Flotsam. Piled up. Stuck. And, instead of willing myself out or doing something I remain, complaining loudly. Annoying. And, yes one could say a stick-in-the-mud.

I have enjoyed being an architect. But oh God, the price. Ain't rich. Far, far from it. In fact if it weren't for my spouse I would be living in a cardboard box somewhere. I absolutely do not have shit. And somehow by the Grace of God I have not been sued - successfully. Plenty of threats and still plenty of liability out there waiting to be exploited by a junk dog lawyer, should one come trotting down the alley. I fear them. The attorneys who are dogs. You know who they are. Many are indeed knights representing fairness - but there are the dogs.

Some days I feel strong and good and some days I can just pour out creativity and it feels good. But those days have dwindled. My creativity now finds other outlets. Music. Art. I suppose architecture is art. Been told that alot. I suppose art can be architecture too. But I have to say I'm so tired of wringing myself out, pouring my soul out, trying to create things for people who just flat do not give one shit about aesthetics, beauty or quality of life. Just money.

I am pathetic I suppose to think this way. Look at how I've been blessed. I have no right, no right whatsoever to be this complaining, whiny grumbling edifice of humanity but yet I am.

Don't know why I'm sharing this with you, internets. I'm just yelling in my basement.

Tomorrow I'm going over to sell some of my art so that the proceeds can go to thirsty, miserable people in Africa who need water wells. Hooray! Pin a little shining star on me. G'nite.