Time w a r p

I’ve been experiencing these phenomena for a few years now. I’m not a scientist or a physicist or any kind of a cist, so not having such a brain makes it difficult to postulate and hypothesize and the like.

It’s the occasional slowing of time. It seems to be activated by pushing one of those buttons next to an elevator. It doesn’t seem to matter which one you push. They both set it off. I’m having a busy day, a lot to do, gotta get somewhere and suddenly find myself in front of an elevator facing these buttons. As I push it I think, “uh oh. Dammit, here comes that time warp.” Sure enough, it warps. Wow. I look at my watch and the second hand has slowed to a n o t h e r d i m e n s i o n. The elevator door slowly opens after the car goes through its arrival paces, ka-rumph, tssh, silence, then the merry little ding or tone. People are rushing out in another world I’m sure, but here they have Twilight Zone warped faces and voices, s c u s m e u u u h …

And what are people thinking when they are waiting for the ding in this time warp zone when they stand right at the crack in the door like they are going to just step right in because no one of course will be coming out?

So I get in with this person and join the merry party madly underway IN the cab. A group of people thrown together, who all have a single goal which is to get the hell out and away from the other people. But they caaan’t. they can’t. They are in “the dastardly time warp” and they are trapped. Not only that, but some warped, evil bastard has piped in the world’s shittiest music. This only adds to the time warp. Somehow this music plays at normal speed, when the time has s l o w e d d o w n.

So the car stops, one of the button lights go out, ka-rump, tssh, silence, ding, and the guy way in the back of the cab with the enormous box is the one who summoned this particular floor. He struggles to the front, pushing my uncomfortably into a woman with an ass as big as this guy’s package. Of course, he has to push the guy out of the way who was standing at the crack in the door, waiting on this level.

Another guy gets in and all eyes watch as his finger hovers ever s o s l o w l y towards his floor of choice. Will it be….D’OH! The sonofabitch hits one of the floors below mine. Now I gotta wait for this yahoo to have his entire, complete ride while I’m still on my journey.

By this time I am sure it is sometime next Tuesday. Funny, I’ve missed three nights sleep but don’t feel tired. Finally, ka-rump, tssh, silence, ding, and it’s MY TURN by God! I work my way to the front of the elevator (I’m now the guy furthest in back) and exit, bumping into the guy who was waiting standing at the crack in the door on my level.

And time returns to normal.