A Reverse Image

A reverse Image. I've had more time these days to reflect on my life. Had lunch with a good friend last month. She's half my age and often asks me advice. It's pretty cool to have a friend half your age. The ease at which my answers come astounds me sometimes. But it is true. I've lived to an age that I never thought I would be. But here I am.

I recently came upon a photo of me when I was 5 years old. I was playing with a toy train set. I was black and white, well dressed, nice shoes and well, heck just a nice little boy. I didn't have a clue. I didn't know poverty. Hunger. I didn't know racial prejudice. Kansas had very few 'Negroes' in 1950. I grew up in this kind of bubble. Everything had a schedule, purpose and method. You did the next step. that's what you did in Kansas. Always the next thing, and we all knew what it was and life was pretty simple.

Pretty soon it was time for college. That was the next step. I had become enamored with drawing using rulers and straightedges and thus had decided in Junior high that I wanted to be an Architect. The next step, then, was to go to architectural school and that's what I did.

Press that little rectangular key with the double arrows on it. That's the fast-forward key. Forwarding. Forwarding.....a little more. This may take a few minutes. There. Here I am. I have skated through life with but just a few bumps, nicks and emotional bruises. Been through downturns. Made a living actually as an architect. And now, for the first time in my life I have hit a wall. Something not perceived as a next step. something off the track. I have come to face with The Great Depression II. That's what it is. People don't want to recognize it, but that's what it is. I'm out of work. Coasting with no fuel. The engine has stopped and now there is but to find a place to pull over, get out and look for a phone booth.

I'm feeling fucking shitty. And then I think of the people in Haiti. geezus. (guilt-trip) And the people in Afghanistan and Iran and on and on. (Onandon - sounds like the next country America will need to 'stabilize' to ensure our western economic interests are preserved).

I'd like to think that I did things right and followed all the next steps. I'd like to think I was prudent and didn't spend beyond my means. I would have liked to retire with more than two dollars and ninety eight fucking cents to my name. What the fuck happened?

A reverse. A white-to-black. my art is the only thing now. Art.