Mr. LaPierre's Neighborhood Welcome Packet

I turned the TV off and sat on the end of the bed.  Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood?  Really?  I know my GPS had gone on the fritz, but this was just – strange.   

I heard a tap on the motel room door. 

Some guy who looked like Mr. McFeeley from the Mr. Roger’s show was in the hallway.  I was getting kinda spooked so I didn’t let him in.

“Whaddya want?”

“Just delivering a little “welcome to town” package for yeu”,  he said, I assume used to not being let in people’s rooms.  “Whether ya stay er not, yeu can have it as a gift.  G’day to yeu…”.  He slipped it under the door.

The package said “Welcome to Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood” on the front.  There were some old C Rations in it, a little pack of 4 cigarettes, half a dozen AR-15 rounds and a little kid’s CD.

It’s always something…

Mr. LaPierre's Neighborhood

Magnum Pope was getting interesting so I went out to the ice machine and also bought a Dr.Pepper from the vending machine down the hall.

When I came back a commercial was on.  Then, this came on.  I spit my D. Pepper through my nose.  Was it an ad, or a station identification clip, or what?  Then Magnum Pope resumed where the Pope’s friend was emptying her gun at the fleeing mailman.  She had him dancing down the street.  What was really weird is that the mailman looked like Mr. McFeeley.

I took another sip.  Could it be that I had stumbled into…

Mr. LaPierre’s Neighborhood?

It’s always something….frightening…

Where IS this town...?

Magnum Pope

I didn’t stay around to see what happened to the tank or if the guy in the car was all right.  Instead I went down the street and checked into a one star motel for the night.  The “Let ‘em die – Let ‘em lie” Inn.  I felt I needed to lay low.  This town, wherever it was, seemed dangerous.

I clicked on the TV.  It was black and white.  All the shows had some sort of violent theme.  I figured it was just the time of day when commercial costs were cheap, and the only folks who watched the shows were unemployed loser types eating Cheetos.

I was struck by the timeliness of one show.  The pope had retired and was sharing the rent with some old crazy woman.  He had lost most of his papal pot-o-cash gambling in Vegas and they hit it off as friends or something.  She was always carrying around this enormous hand cannon.  Everyone in this town seemed on some sort of fringe.  Where - the - hell - was - I?

It’s always something….

Something wasn't quite right...

The trolly was, I don't know...just sort of plastic-like and weird.  I stepped out onto the street after my experience in the market, opened my gum and was having a pleasant chew when I heard a rumbling.  Down the street I saw a tank coming towards me. This poor guy in a car (not one of the plastic ones I had seen) was signaling, waiting to make a left turn.

Doggone if this tank kept on coming.  It just ran over the guy's car!  Then it rumbled past.

Shocked, I turned to the guy I had seen wearing a shoulder holster in front of me at the market cashier.  He shrugged his shoulders.  "You don't turn left in this town..."  he said.  "No one does - ever."  He said, and walked casually down the block.

It's always something...

Grocery Store

I went into a market on a trip I took recently to buy some bottled water and some gum.  There was a big sheet of plywood temporarily replacing a plate window behind the cashier's area.  Everyone in this place was armed!  Even the little kid.  In fact, her teddy bear was packing a little plastic shoulder piece. 

The cashier took my money and gave me a suspicious look.  

It's always something...

Dick Cheney's heart Checkup

Photo looking into Dick Cheney's heart

Somehow appropriate on Valentine's day, Dick Cheney checked into the clinic for a check of the status of his new heart.

Astonished, Dr. Cutter said, "Yes, we did a routine check today.  Even shining a strong light from the probe the image came in black.  This new heart has become as black as that acrimonious piece of shit he had for an original heart after we removed it.

Yes, it appears that even a new heart placed inside of Dick Cheney has succumbed to the acrid, sharp, biting, pungent, caustic, mean and bitter human being that he is.  

Other than that, he's quite the likable fellow.

It's always something...

Best intentions

Dang!  I meant to post this to FaceBook but I got distracted and never got to it.

It's always something...