Some Holiday Advice...

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."

It's always something.....

More darn silliness...

House Speaker John Boehner flinched yesterday as he was stuck in the head by a suction tipped arrow.  Witnesses say it appeared to be shot from a bow somewhere in the balcony.  The perpetrator fled the scene.

“Doggone these pranksters…”  Exclaimed one of the Republican Representatives who wished to remain blameless nameless.  “You know, it’s silly stuff like this that keeps us from the serious task at hand, trying to keep America from imploding in its own stupidity and careening off the cliff you’ve heard tell about.”  He said.

Comments were solicited from other female Republican Senators, but she couldn’t be located.

Its always something…

Republicans make stunning announcement

In a truly stunning turnaround in party politics, Republicans announced the new chairwomen for the 113^th congress.

“We’ve been skirting the issue long enough…” one congressmanwoman said.  “We all decided it was time to quit fooling the American dolts people like they are all stupid or something.” 

The new all-woman set of Republicans is set to go into action next session.  “Wait until you see what we have in store for including Hispanics to the House…”  Said one representative, who wished to be blameless nameless.

It’s always something…

The trauma of it all...

Sally entered into the rows of desks at the S.A.T. exam and put her back pack down.  She was confident her high school studies and the extra work she had put in would now pay off as she readied herself for college.

She hoped to score well enough to get into Stanford, her dream since she could remember.  The test papers were handed out, her #2 pencils were sharp,  she had a good night’s sleep.  She was ready.

But Sally didn’t do well at all.  She couldn’t concentrate and at times felt suffocated.  She scored badly on the test.

Sally was seated right behind a really large woman….

It’s always something…

HERE, now...

UNITE HERE, formerly The Hotel Employees and Restaurant Employees Union (HERE) and UNITE, (Union of Needletrades, Industrial and Textile Employees), formed in 2004, asked Mitt Romney last week if he would consider speaking at their upcoming 2013 convention near their offices in New York City.

Mr. Romney stormed past the group in a huff.  “I guess that fellow is still upset about that video one of our members made last spring.”  Said one of the union officials.  Someone rescuing a stack of plates nearly knocked over by the hubbub exclaimed, “Hey, stick your foot up THIS, asshole!” flipping the international single digit.

Mr. Romney was reported to have been on his way to the Cayman Islands.

It’s always something…